After the day she had Faé was ready to fall into the unknown land of slumber, but her overstimulated brain refused to shut down. Diverse images began to play in her mind, some in slow motion and others stuck in fast forward. She lay in bed eyes tightly shut, waiting for sleep to ferry her to dawn. But sleep never came, her mind refused to shut down so she just laid there listening to the hours tick away.
She resisted the urge to grab her phone and distract her buzzing mind with a book, maybe a podcast, or some music. Anything to just get the talkative babe in her brain to shut up and go to sleep. But she didn't, she just lay there watching the ceiling and listening to the tick-tock of the clock, echoing in the silent house.
She finally gave up the charade of sleeping at—she checked her phone to confirm the time—2 am! Glad she didn’t have anywhere to go tomorrow, she jumped out of bed, grabbed her phone and journal off the side table; then retreated to the balcony attached to her room. Each room had a private balcony, one of the perks that came with their new apartment. She was finally living out all her balcony dreams.
She plopped her tired body on the light blue well-worn couch that took up most of the space and sunk her feet into the soft faux grass that covered the expanse of the balcony, dropping her phone and journal beside her. Her journal was a heavy-duty leather-bound beauty with a thousand empty sheets waiting for her scribbles. It didn't have lines like other books, it was just empty paper. It was probably a leather sketch pad but it was magnificent. Empty pages just waiting for her inane scribbles, a writer's dream.
She pulled her journal open, thinking of the best way to capture the moment. She closed her eyes again, took a deep breath, and relaxed. Images bombarded her mind and in a flash, her fingers were flying over the page as words poured out of her loud brain and straight to her empty canvas. Words that captured how she felt at that moment.
Soon the steady stream of words stopped, she closed her journal and laid it by her side. Now that her thoughts were out of her head and on paper, she expected to feel tired but she still didn't feel sleepy.
Faé turned her gaze to the night sky spread out before her, taking in the simple grandeur of it. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. The stars twinkled in the sky, invoking peace and serenity.
“God you have outdone yourself again!” she whispered to the night sky, soaking in the comfort of the celestials. The night always seemed to comfort her, something about the quiet, the darkness, inspired this feeling of security. She always felt safe under the night sky.
But more than safe, the night sky made her feel seen even heard, by God and the heavenly hosts. The noisy normal of the day just seemed to drown out her voice, but at night the solemn quiet made her feel like her voice echoed loudly in heaven.
She could see the whole city from her balcony. She looked out across the expanse of the city that she could see and gratitude welled up inside of her. God had blessed her and her family, regardless of her worries and complaints, Faé was a blessed woman.
She looked up at the sky again, looking for the moon. Wondering what size it will be today, full or toenail. She loved it when the moon looked like a toenail. But she couldn't see the moon. She stood up from her perch and walked over to the railing, tilting her head as far as she could go but still no moon.
Disappointed, she returned to her perch. Maybe her large building was obscuring the moon from sight. She couldn't see the entire expanse of the sky from this balcony. Yes, she could see the city spread out before her but not the entire sky.
At that moment she missed their home in the country, she missed their wide compound where she could sit for hours on end and just talk to God. Where she had an uninterrupted, three-sixty view of the cosmos. She could see the moon from any angle and the stars shone brightly.
In the city, the bright city lights were competing with the stars. The city lights seemed brighter than the cosmos as they shone into her eyes, almost blinding in their brightness.
She looked away from the bright lights and gazed at the stars, she could do this for hours. She just sat there trapped between the comfort of the celestial and the chaos of her loud thoughts.
However, Faé still didn't feel sleepy and she had a busy day tomorrow. She sighed playing with her hair, thinking of what she could do to invite sleep. She was so tired but she was not sleepy.
Only two things were left to do now, either she just stayed awake running from the loud voices in her head or she listened. How bad can listening be right? What exactly were the loud voices shouting about? After one minute of listening, Faé decided to just talk instead.
So she looked at the sky and poured out her heart to God, her lover. She told him all her fears, concerns, and worries. As she spoke, tears began to flow. She let them, hiccupping her way to a clear mind.
By the time her words ceased, she cleaned her eyes and smiled. She felt better, lighter. Like all her burdens were gone. A yawn overtook her from nowhere and tiredness cloaked her. Looks like Faé would be getting some shuteye after all.
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